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When I grew up in the 1990s, officials gave the impression that the gender pay gap was most effectively handled by telling girls that no goal was out of reach. Splashy, lurid pink ads told me that systemic and societal barriers would yield to my self-confidence.

Experts have since disproven the notion that an individual can improve their situation through upbeat attitudes. An author, in his publication Selfie, explains how the neoliberal myth of fair competition fuels much of personal development trends.

Yet, I still feel continues to think that through diligent effort and assemble a solid dream collage, I should be able to attain my most ambitious goals: the sole barrier to my fate lies within myself. What is the path to a state of balance, an equilibrium between believing that I am capable of anything but not blaming myself for each setback?

The Answer Lies in Humility

The answer, according to an early Christian thinker, a North African Catholic bishop, centers on meekness. He wrote that humility served as the base of all other virtues, and that for someone seeking God “the primary aspect involves humility; the next, modesty; the last, self-effacement”.

For a lapsed Catholic like me, the term modesty may trigger multiple adverse reactions. I was raised in an era of the church when focusing on physical beauty constituted the sin of vanity; physical attraction was deemed improper beyond reproduction; and even pondering solo sex was deemed a transgression.

I don’t think that the saint meant this, but over a long period, I mixed up “humility” with guilt.

Balanced Modesty Isn’t About Self-Hatred

Embracing modesty, based on doctor Ravi Chandra, does not mean hating oneself. An individual practicing constructive modesty is proud of their capabilities and accomplishments while acknowledging that learning never ends. He describes multiple forms of modesty: cultural humility; intergenerational humility; modesty in knowledge; humility of knowledge; recognition of room for growth; meekness in insight; modesty in the face of wonder; and meekness during hardship.

Studies in psychology has also identified numerous advantages coming from intellectual humility, such as increased toughness, tolerance and bonding.

Meekness in Action

In my work in spiritual support roles in aged care, I now think about meekness as the act of attending to others. Meekness functions as a way to reconnect: revisiting, moment by moment, to the carpet beneath my shoes and the person sitting in front of me.

There are some residents who share with me identical stories drawn from their experiences, time after time, whenever we meet. In place of monitoring time, I try to listen. I try to stay curious. What can I learn from this human and the memories they hold onto amidst so much loss?

Philosophical Stillness

I strive to adopt the Taoist attitude that theological scholar Huston Smith termed “inventive calm”. Taoist philosophers encourage humans to quiet the ego and reside in sync with the flow of creation.

This could be particularly important as humans seek to repair the harm humanity has caused on the environment. Through her publication Fathoms: The World in the Whale, Rebecca Giggs explains that being humble allows us to rediscover “the inner creature, the entity that fears in the face of the unknown". Taking a position of humility, of ignorance, helps us recall our species is a part of an expansive system.

The Elegance of Modesty

There exists an emptiness and hopelessness that accompanies thinking everything is possible: achievement – be it attaining riches, reducing size, or winning the presidential race – transforms into the single permissible result. Modesty allows for elegance and defeat. I embrace meekness, connected to the soil, which means I have everything I need to grow.